Man: I would like to buy this Guinea pig please?
Shop Assistant: Certainly sir, let me get him for you.
Assistant picks up Guinea pig and puts him in a small box with holes on cover for it to breathe. Buyer looks at animal which instantly rolls over with feet pointing upwards.
Man: Hey ... this Guinea pig is dead. He is as stiff as a board. Look how he rolled over.
Shop Assistant: He is not dead, sir. He is hibernating.
Man: Hibernating? It is the middle of June!
Shop Assistant: Yes sir, he is from South America. They hibernate in summer in South America. If he was from Northern Europe he would hibernate in winter.
Man: So he will remain stiff until winter?
Shop Assistant: Not necessarily. A quick ten seconds in the microwave oven will soon revive him.
Man: I don't believe you. He seems dead to me. Look, his eyes are wide open, and his fur is beginning to fall off.
Shop Assistant: All right. I'll let you have it for half-price.
Man: Half-price? I'd expect a bigger discount for a dead hamster.
Shop Assistant: Guinea pig ...
Man: All right. A dead Guinea pig ...
Shop Assistant: I tell you what ... I'll let you have it for free if you buy another Guinea pig as well.
Man: OK ... I'll have that one too.
Shop Assistant places another Guinea pig in the box.
Man: He seems rather slow moving to me ...
Shop Assistant: That's because he has a bit of a migraine. He was at a party last night. You know ... all that dancing and singing ... and the drinks and the girls ... He must have a bit of a hangover this morning.
Man: A party? He was at a party?
Shop Assistant: A funeral actually. And a get-together afterwards to celebrate the deceased's life.
Man: Who died?
Shop Assistant: This other Guinea pig. But he did not turn up to his own funeral.
Man: Why not?
Shop Assistant: He was up for sale at a reduced price!
IF YOU LIKE MY KIND OF HUMOUR
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