Friday, 10 July 2015

Recorded for posteriority


You know, I read the other day that if you drive non-stop for 23 hours and 55 minutes you’ll be 5 minutes from Tulsa!

Anyway … as I was about to tell you before I interrupted myself, what an eventful day today has been.

I started the morning by visiting my doctor.

The poor man was not well and I thought it’s kind to visit the sick.

As soon as I entered the doctor’s surgery he asked me to lie down on the couch. I asked him why and he said: “I want to vacuum clean just where you’re standing!”

Then he looked at me and asked “Do you get severe headaches in the morning, followed by stomach pains and trembling of the knees?”

I replied “No … why?”

“Because I’ve been getting these symptoms for a week and I wondered if you knew what they were!" he said.

“Anyhow … what are you here for?” he continued.

I showed him my arm and said “I’ve hurt myself in three places.”

He replied, “Stop visiting these places!”

“And another thing doctor,” I went on, “when I drink tea I get this very sharp pain in my eye.”

“Take the spoon out of the cup before drinking!” he said.

I hesitated for a bit and then told him what I was really there for.

"You see, doctor," I started, "sometimes I feel I am a dog."

"How long has this been going on?" he asked.

"Ever since I was a puppy!" I replied.

"OK ..." he said, "get on the couch."

"I'm not allowed on the couch," I replied. He sighed a little and threw his pen in the corner of the room. "Go and fetch it yourself," I said, "I'm not your dog!"

As I got off the couch the doctor asked me, “Tell me, do you have a horse?”

“No I don’t!”

“Pity,” he said, “I have some horse pills I got from a vet … you wouldn’t like to try them do you? You’ll soon be off at a gallop!"

When I returned home I found the postman in my front garden.

“Is this letter yours,” he asked, “the surname’s obliterated.”

“My surname is Moubarak” I replied.

He gave me the letter. It was from a lawyer. I had been left two valuable items in Aunt Matilda’s last will and testament.

I took the items to an antiques dealer and he confirmed them as a genuine Stradivarius and a Rembrandt.

Unfortunately, Rembrandt was bad at making violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter!

As I was heading back home, just by the beach, a seagull flew above me and emptied its load on my head. I asked a passer-by if he had a paper handkerchief. He said "It's too late mate. The seagull must be miles away by now!"

When I got home I was asked what's this stuff on my head. I told them it's a new style hair gel I got from the shops.

Anyway, that's how my day was today. What was yours like?

8 comments:

  1. Thankfully uneventful in comparison!
    Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Lulu,

      It's so nice to have a peaceful day every now and then. God bless.

      Delete
  2. I knew we had the same dry sense of humor. Here's a couple more:

    What do you get when you cross a Rottweiler and a collie? (A dog who bites you, and then goes for help!)

    What animal keeps the best time? (A watch dog!)

    Have a great evening. ~:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh you are brilliant Sparky. Thank you for your sense of humour. It's good to laugh.

      God bless you.

      Delete
  3. I will bookmark this and return when I think I am having a bad day! God Bless you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I'm an expert at having a bad day, Michael. Keep smiling my friend.

      God bless.

      Delete
  4. And, Tulsa is just 90 minutes from me and mine! Hello, Victor. Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving a comment. And, thank you for your prayers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Jen,

      It's great to see you visiting me here. We look forward to your return visits. Praying for you and yours.

      God bless.

      Delete

I PRAY FOR ALL WHO COMMENT HERE.

God bless you.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...